Most of my friends were kinda weirded out the way I have been acting antisocial these past few weeks immediately after the Punta Fuego trip. I have missed all the major parties, get togethers, and somehow tried to stay below the radar so much that most of them were surprised, annoyed and questioning. The party animal has gone on an indefinite sabbatical.
But what to do? I'm so over wasting time in the usual places: The Fort, Greenbelt, House Parties... It's just that I got saturated by these activities. Travelling on the other hand can be tiring and expensive. I guess its a cycle for me that happens every after a couple of years to withdraw and go into a cocoon, weaving dreams in my solitude and crafting designs of world domination to come out again and blind the world with the horrifying beauty of my existence (ha ha ha... I guess I am a sick deluded fuck).
I am just so happy right now in my implacable peace, the rhythm of my breathing (tobacco-free now, I must tell you), the splash of the waters, the beautiful dives, the angry swishing of hockey sticks that in one fell swoop, the glorious banging of the 3lbs puck slamming its resin-coated heaviness on that gleaming metallic goal- validates the duality of life - one wins, one loses.
Most of my friends have partners. I am luckier. I am single. They have to compulsorily attend dates, I dont. If I dont feel like going out, I can always beg off. If you are with someone, you have lesser chances of saying No when he/she asks you out when you just feel like curling in your bed in fetal position. Chances are if you said No, he or she would feel bad and has to put up with your choice of just staying put. When you are single, you dont have to please noone and you can look good for everyone. I dont have to wait for someone get dressed, I dont have to watch the stupid film, I can look debonair without someone asking if I am out to flirt with anyone and everyone. Damn, I dont even have to care about their feelings!
Call me selfish. But at this point, selfishness matters to me. For once, I dont have to be Doctor Phil to everybody, and be shock absorber of their sad stories, It's tiring to dish out advices and to console someone in need and watch your own life run away from you. For crying out loud, I am not Mother Teresa. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but I need time for myself, and that time is now. I need to listen to myself. To just be happy.
My friend thought I was being an asshole when I was mouthing off sarcastic remarks few weeks back. Sorry, baby, but you have just been collateral damage. Just give me time.
I am not looking for dates either, so for those people who were so insistent on getting my number, get off my back.
Damn, I have to finish this ranting now, I have a hockey game to catch. Now if you want to play underwater hockey with me, that's another story.
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