We'll Always Have Manila.

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."


Casablanca




Dear XXX,



I hope this email finds you well, and I hope everything is alright in your parts and you are doing okay with your job interviews. I wrote this email for one thing and one thing only, and maybe you have probably suspected or known this all along - and this took me a whole lot of courage just to write you this one. When I first met you online, I never really was expecting anything nor I was at all entertaining any possibilities of any more than a physical involvement, or just a casual friendship. On the night I met you, I was taken aback by such sweetness that you have shown to the point I was a bit terrified and found it a bit awkward, because I have never encountered anyone that terrifyingly lovable on a first meeting. But you are. I could probably go on and on and romanticized that evening of our first meeting - the way you took my hands and kissed it, the way you stared at me and smiled, and the way you put your head on my lap while we watched one of your favorite films of yours (honestly, I couldnt concentrate at all at the film because I was scared shit). I was scared because you have inadvertently drawn me to you. I've seen your eyes, and in a moment, I drowned in them. The fear of emotional involvement and the subsequent abandonment is what I feared most. Which happened again.

Since that night, thoughts of you have filled me and questioned the very things I have believed in - or perhaps what I try to convince myself that I believe in. There is not a single waking moment that you didnt cross any of my thoughts. I know it may sound pathetic, admittedly at some point it was. I never expected anything, and I never looked for love, but in this case love came banging at my door, and then left as soon as it entered it. It came as a shock for me to learn that you had to leave Manila. I was distraught and felt the ground that I stood on crumbled. I was totally crushed. And I am missing you prettttty badly. But I guess that's life. And we cant do pretty much about it.

They say, never let a day go by without telling someone that you loved them- because that day may be his or her last. And when I do love, I love very deeply XXX. And I dont ask for you to return it and I can choose to love you on my own. I wont fault you if you dont want to talk to me after this( and I hope you still will)- I would totally understand, but I had to let you know that I meant what I said, that you occupy my heart big time. What would I give to have your arms wrap around me when I fall asleep? Maybe not everything, but pretty much close to it.

I wish you well, and maybe in the near future we will cross paths again and I hope that future would be soon. You take care baby.

Luv,

R.

xxx



--
I only have one duty and that is to love. - Albert Camus