Here is a post from: http://aelredandfriendship.blogspot.com/
St. Aelred of Rievaulx and Friendship
Prior Aelred of St. Gregory's Abbey recently commented of his attraction for the opposite sex--apparently Laura Linney is admired, which caught Caelius by surprise apparently given that the name "Aelred" is these days associated with all things gay.
We must always remember in our conversations that "gay" and "straight" are recent constructions, and that those of St. Aelred's time still operated on a single sex dual gender model (which was capable of in-betweens of gender and more helpful than our present Enlightenment/Modern rigid two sex model upon which so many recent theologies of the body are based and which was more capable of eschatological thinking that understands that God working through, with, and in us queers all of us), so that attraction to either men or women by either men or women was not overly surprising. What one did with attraction to the same gender was then and is still now a matter of disagreement (but so was matters dealing with attraction to the opposite gender! Something we forget in our presumptive heterosexual discourse these days that is quite ahistorical and ignores the real controversies over marriage until the 11th century, especially regarding the sinfulness of (hetero)sex and ignores the venality often associated until that time with same gender sex acts.).
We can given historical context neither say that St. Aelred was gay or straight, or bisexual for that matter. We can note his bonds of affection with his brothers and his encouragement of friendships. Prior Aelred is right to point out the variety of ways that companionate same sex friendships arise, and I would suggest that fratrimonial and sororimonial unions are a subset or better concentration of this and a Sign of Christ's Friendship with us and of the Unity of the Body. As such, ours are first and foremost ecclesial relationships, and matters of sexual expression must be placed within the context of our ascesis and contextualization within the Body as a whole.
In reading St. Aelred's writings, I am always struck by the iconic nature of his thought (which shouldn't surprise given his Celtic roots heavily influenced by Eastern Christianity) and by the overall focus on movement toward God in all of our relationships; we do not escape the flesh and bodies to find God, but in good Benedictine fashion, we find God present as if in windows in those before us.
There is something though in St. Aelred of Rievaulx's writings that seems especially to speak to the heart of same sex configurations (his texts end up in union ceremonies a lot), perhaps, because St. Aelred gets friendship, and friendship is a paradigm for how God relates to us as shown in Christ (in John) every bit as powerful as the marriage analogy (in Ephesians). Indeed, I would say that the two actually are one, but reveal different aspects of our union to God in Christ by the Holy Spirit.
As I've written here and recently commented on Gay Erasmus' thoughts on Queer Friendship, as Foucault has suggested, a charism of homosexuality is friendship, and perhaps our greatest gift to the world. Some note with criticism or disdain that we blur the lines between friendship and romance, but I think such thinking quickly moves toward hardened categories where there are in fact softer lines, permeable bounds, and subset groupings. If not, how can they in the same stroke refer to husband and wife as brother and sister as early Christians did, or heterosexual married folk as friends, which many do? Hard and fast categories tell lies and half-truths.
Our partnerships are in many ways a subset of friendship, but it is indeed fascinating how the loves which we have tended to keep firmly separate in our modern discourse were not quite so clearly separable to our ancestors (though there were always some willing to do so; sick spiritualities were often a result): eros (passionate/desirous/romantic), filia (friendship/companiote), agape(unconditional/universal), storge (familial), xenia(hospitality). Were that we focused on xenia today in all of relating, greeting all before us as Christ. We forget that in Greek thought, the categories were never so hardened, and that in both ancient and modern Greek agape was and is used both for passionate love and uncondiational love. I would suggest that iconic thinking is at play. At our best we come to the unconditional through the passionate, the companionate, the familial, the hospitable.
The cover of our invitation reads (in CloisterBlack font) as follows:
Itaque amicus in spiritu Christi adhaerens amico, efficitur cum eo cor unum et anima una; et sic per amoris gradus ad Christi conscendens amicitiam, unus cum eo spiritus efficitur in osculo uno. Ad quod osculum anima quaedam sancta suspirans: "Osculetur me, inquit, osculo oris sui" (Cant. I, 1).
Translation with context:
Nevertheless, turn your attention briefly to the manner in which friendship is, so to say, a stage toward the love and knowledge of God. Indeed, in friendship there is nothing dishonorable, nothing deceptive, nothing feigned; whatever there is, is holy, voluntary, and true. And this itself is also a characteristic of charity. In this, truly, friendship shines forth with a special right of its own, that among those who are bound by the tie of friendship all joys, all security, all sweetness, all charms are experienced….And so in friendship are joined honor and charm, truth and joy, sweetness and good-will, affection and action. And all these take their beginning from Christ, advance through Christ, and are perfected in Christ. Therefore, not too steep or unnatural does the ascent appear from Christ, as the inspiration of the love by which we love our friend, to Christ giving himself to us as our Friend for us to love, so that charm may follow upon charm, sweetness upon sweetness, and affection upon affection. And thus, friend cleaving to friend in the spirit of Christ, is made with Christ but one heart and one soul, and so mounting aloft through degrees of love to friendship with Christ, he is made one spirit with him in one kiss. Aspiring to this kiss the saintly soul cries out: “Let him kiss me with the kiss of his mouth.
St. Aelred of Rievaulx. Spiritual Friendship. Trans. M. E. Laker, SNND. Kalamazoo: Cistercian Publications, 1977.
I cannot say that all is always charm, sweetnesss, and affection, but God is working on us still.
© W. Christopher Evans, February 15, 2006
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